An Open Letter to the Unvaxxed & Unmasked

Dear unmasked and unvaccinated Americans*:

You suck.

No really. You suck.

But that’s just the start of your despicability. Now, I know you want to run away and hide already, but stay with me. You need to hear this. You need to process this.

You suck, and you are stupid as hell.

You seem to be only vaguely aware that America, as of the end of August, 2021, is rushing — and I mean rushing — toward ONE MILLION Covid deaths? Let me put that in terms you might understand. That’s a packed Crimson Tide or Georgia Bulldog or Longhorn or Sooner or Aggie or Buckeye or Gator or LSU Tiger football crowd… times ten. It’s Daytona Speedway… times ten.

So try to visualize a giant football made of lead coming out of the sky like a comet and just smushing ever single soul in that stadium. And then imagine it again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again.

Would it even bother you if 100,000 of your fellow football or NASCAR fans were suddenly offed? Doesn’t seem like it would. What do you care if other people die? Somehow, even as you count the dead (and the longterm sick; don’t forget that little “gift” Covid can deliver), you think you are invulnerable. You’re not going to get smushed by any giant football. Why? Because you are YOU. That’s it. That’s your worldview. A vaccine and masking-up could help make certain (well, 95% certain) that giant football doesn’t smush you, or your family members, but hey, that’s sissy stuff, am I right? And that’s what the Democrats and “elites” are doing, so you can’t possibly take advice from any of them, right? Your idol Donald Trump trumpets his “great vaccines” but now that they are in hands of Democrats, forget it. Doctors? Experts? What do they know? So you seek out something online or on Fox News that tells you to stand up for your “right” to not have to get the vaccine or mask-up. So you go with that. You risk your life, and those of your loved ones, and everyone you are around, on information you get from Fox News! Yet you will run to take horse-worming medicine. Good Lord, you are stupid.

Now realize this: you suck, and you are stupid, and you are selfish.

You don’t want to wear a mask, and don’t want to get vaccinated why, exactly? Oh, of course, FREEDOM! How could we ever forget?

Don’t you really mean YOUR freedom? Because, come on now, it is YOUR freedom you are always going on about. As if liberty is the single most important American ideal, and that equality and justice and unity stuff is just gobbledygook (not to mention all that Jesus nonsense about loving and caring for one another). You are just fooling yourself. It’s not the concept of freedom you believe in. YOUR freedom is all you care about. Not anybody else’s. Not even your own children’s. You just want to show off and act all tough, trying so hard, so very hard, to convince yourself you are some kind of “rugged individualist,” when really, you are not an individualist at all; you are a run-of-the-mill selfish clone. Stupid as hell. Selfish as hell. Just like all those other sucky, stupid, selfish conservatives spread across the American landscape like weeds. You don’t give a flying damn about the “freedom” of someone TO NOT GET COVID FROM YOU! You don’t give a damn about the freedom of workers at stores and shops and restaurants and airlines to be free from your uninformed and/or willfully ignorant resistance, even violence, when they politely ask you to follow laws or policies. You don’t give a damn about the freedom of schoolkids to not have your mask-less child sneezing and coughing and breathing on them. You don’t give a damn about the freedom of healthcare workers to not have to go in day after soul-sucking day to overwhelmed hospitals, desperate and exhausted by the repeating waves of patients flooding into their emergency rooms and wards. It bothers you not a twit that hospitals packed with Covid patients then cannot provide services to, you know, everybody else who may need a hospital bed!

Since nearly sixty percent of eligible Americans have received the vaccine, over 95 percent of the Covid deaths happening now are un-vaccinated patients. Which means that each of these deaths was likely preventable. Repeatedly, we see gravely ill patients pleading with others to not make the mistake they made, and get the vaccine. Do you take their advice? Does that Ninety-five percent death rate rouse you? Hell no. Why? Because you suck, you are stupid and you are selfish. You call yourself a “patriot?” You are the total opposite! You are a traitor to true American values. You don’t believe in liberty, equality and justice FOR ALL. You don’t believe in We the People. You don’t believe in E. Pluribus Unum. You don’t give a shit about America or any other Americans. You won’t lift a finger to help anyone else not named “You.” You just believe in being selfish. The USA is № 1 in Covid deaths in the entire world, even though some nations have three or four times our population. This is all on YOU!

Which brings us to one other thing you are: evil.

Those ten smushed football stadium crowds? At least five of them are on you. Yes, YOU… you sucky, stupid, selfish, evil bastard! And we still don’t know how many more stadium crowds are yet to die from the giant, still mutating, Covid lead football. YOU KILLED THEM! AND YOU ARE STILL KILLING PEOPLE! YOU ARE A SERIAL MURDERER!

For not one actually good reason, you — and millions of others just like you — refused to mask-up through the long, horrible slog of 2020 as the first and second waves of Covid washed over America, then when the vaccines were becoming available during the third wave, you continued to flaunt mask-wearing, and made the conscious choice — the sucky, stupid, selfish, evil choice — you weren’t going in on the vaccine. Oh, I know… to you that was soooo smart. Yeah, you have it all figured out. You know better than the doctors, better than the experts. That’s how stupid you are. You think stupid is smart. Then, as half of your fellow citizens did the right thing, and got the vaccine (because, you know, they didn’t want to get sick AND they wanted to do their part to stop the virus), and it looked like we might be able to have Covid under control by the Summer of 2021, you and your death cult ilk continued, still, to not wear masks and stubbornly refuse to get vaccinated. Instead, you partied like it’s 1999, rushing to return to normal as if the virus wasn’t mutating into even more deadly form. YOU are prolonging this pandemic. If you selfish idiots don’t come to your senses, it may still be going in 2099. YOU are allowing it to become worse. YOU gave Covid vulnerable bodies in which to cavort and mutate and get more contagious, more dangerous. The delta variant of Covid should send you a Thank You card. What a help you have been for the virus. What a useful idiot. Now we are awash in the fourth wave. The FOURTH FUCKING WAVE… because of YOU… you fucking, sucky, stupid, selfish, evil murderer!

If you’ve gotten this far, which is highly improbable — your “rugged individualist” sensitivities can’t take a spanking like this — you are raking your tiny brain for a comeback. Here, I’ll help you. It’s all you selfish conservatives can ever come up with when confronted by the hard truth: “You’re wrong!” (never bringing with this empty charge the slightest evidence). No, you are wrong. Intellectually. Bodily. Emotionally. Ethically. Morally. Spiritually.

If I were king of America, I would pass a law that everyone who refuses to wear a mask and/or to get vaccinated (except in the rare cases where they cannot) must spend a week in a Covid ward doing the dirty work for the doctors and nurses and medical attendants — the real heroes of this pandemic — who are desperately trying to save lives… lives that YOU put at risk because of your dangerous, selfish, stupid, totally un-American, evil behavior. You and your ilk are not heroes. You are the villains of this saga, co-conspirators with a microscopic virus, as unthinking and uncaring as you are. You are villains who deserve to see just what you have done. You should be right there, sweeping floors, changing bedpans, wiping shit, and forced to watch those patients fighting to breathe as Covid turns their lungs into mush; you will watch as they writhe in agony; you will listen as they curse themselves for not getting vaccinated; you’ll watch as they are put into a coma and intubated, perhaps never to open their eyes again; you will see the stunned anguish on the faces of their loved ones; and be there as the tubes are all removed because the virus that you are partnered with killed them— a patient who, nowadays, was almost surely unvaxxed, maybe just days ago a strong, brave, “patriot” like yourself, standing up for his or her right to be suckily, stupidly, selfishly, murderously evil, another useful idiot.

We can mourn, and hope they went to heaven, but the dead can’t be brought back. There are tens of thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands, who are, right now, the walking dead. They will be in that Covid bed very soon. You may be one of them. None of you have to be… you could protect yourselves, and your families, and your neighbors… with masks, and most importantly the vaccine. You could help squelch this pandemic. But you won’t. And that’s SO you. So suckily, stupidly, selfishly, devilishly YOU!

Ain’t America great? With “patriots” like you? Not so much! A million Americans dead? It would be a terrorist’s wildest dream. And YOU, no less evil, are making it happen.

• This letter is not intended for children and adults who cannot yet get vaccinated due to legitimate, medical reasons.