Life Lessons from George W. Bush
The Rehabilitation of George W. continues with his new Master Class on… stuff he knows about.
Ah, the rehabilitation of George W. Bush continues (you know, since his disgraceful slinking out of Washington D.C. back in 2009 as the economy was crashing). He’s now teaching a Master Class. Yes, indeed… on “Leadership.” “Tough Calls and Life Lessons.” What “leadership,” “tough calls” and “life lessons” could George W. Bush teach? Oh, several come immediately to mind:
How to grow up in a political dynasty but your own mom thinks you are the least likely to ever meaningfully contribute.
How to stay so ill-informed that your family considers your younger brothers “the smart ones.”
How to be a rich kid and young adult — with the ability to travel the world at will — but so incurious and disinterested in the world that the only place outside the United States you ever visit is across the Texas border to Mexico, once or twice.
How to get “legacied” into Ivy League schools — twice — though you don’t have the grades to get in on your own… thus stealing a more deserving student’s opportunity.
How to dodge the Vietnam draft by having your dad help you cut in line and steal someone else’s slot in the National Guard.
How to go AWOL from the military for over a year and not ever be punished.
How to become expert at not finding oil in one of the most oil-rich places on Earth.
How to gather investments from your daddy’s buddies, then bankrupt multiple corporations but, somehow, get bailed out… by daddy’s buddies… and only end up richer yourself.
How to get to be general manager of a major league baseball team without any experience or knowledge of major league baseball.
How to be the one and only general manager in baseball to vote against expanding the playoffs, something that literally everyone else enthusiastically supported and essentially saved baseball.
How to blackmail a city into building a new stadium for your baseball team.
How to pretend to be a Christian.
How to become governor of Texas when your only qualification is your last name.
How to cultivate a “cowboy” image but never be seen around a horse.
How to, as governor, decree that all state environmental regulations are “voluntary” and thus, almost overnight, transform your state into the air and water pollution capital of the United States.
How to become the governor in the modern era with the most executions during his watch, while stopping zero of them, even when implored to do so by the Pope.
How to run for president on a platform of lies: that you are a “compassionate conservative” and a “uniter not a divider” — then become one of the most un-compassionate and divisive presidents in American history.
How to select an advisor to help you select the best vice-presidential running mate, and the guy selects himself.
How to ascend to the White House without winning the popular vote and dubiously winning the electoral vote, but rather through an unprecedented decree of the Supreme Court, two of whom were appointed by your daddy.
How, as president, to appoint political hacks to important positions.
How to blow the entire (rare) budget surplus the last president (a Democrat) left you by giving away huge tax breaks to the wealthiest individuals and largest corporations.
How to become so exhausted playing baseball video games in the White House for six months that you need a month-long vacation, through which entire time (the whole seven months) refusing to meet with your own Homeland Security advisor who wants to educate you on this pesky group called Al Qaeda.
How to saddle the political “boy genius” who made you governor then president with the nickname “Turd Blossom.”
How to come across as so dumb you impart the strong impression that your vice-president (the guy who picked himself) is the “shadow president.”
How to be asleep at the wheel as the greatest terrorist attack in American history is about to occur… by Al Qaeda.
How to “not imagine” that terrorists might attack the U.S. by flying airplanes into buildings.
How to obtain an almost 90% public approval rating by standing on a hill of smoldering ruins after the attack, with citizens of both major political parties in support… something that would never happen for a Democratic president, as Republicans can simply never, ever, support their sworn domestic enemy… on anything.
How to lie about who was mostly involved in the terrorist attack so as to protect your family’s oil buddies in Saudi Arabia.
How to lead a colossal overreaction to the terrorist attack by lying the nation into twin, simultaneous military quagmires (one of which would become the longest war in American history).
How to lie about Iraq’s connection to the terrorist attack and about its “weapons of mass destruction.”
How to claim you are a “fiscal conservative,” then add $5.85 trillion to the national debt.
How to claim to be a “small government” conservative, then enlarge the government more than any other president.
How to claim to be loyal to the Constitution, then pass the “Patriot Act” which stomps all over it.
How to sully America’s international moral authority by making torture of prisoners official policy.
How to set up a gulag of imprisonment beyond the reach of American or international law so as to interminably detain foreign (and domestic) “terrorists”.
How to burn out and disenchant the nation’s military, lose more than twice as many dead in Afghanistan and Iraq as died on 9/11, and bring back tens of thousands of personnel missing legs, arms, eyes and/or with disabling PTSD.
How to bungle a hurricane response (remember those political hacks in important places?).
How to be for “No Child Left Behind,” then slash funds for education.
How to be played like a fiddle by Russia’s Vladimir Putin, in whose eyes you “looked into his soul.”
How to encourage poor and middle class Americans to get into one of those subprime mortgages they can’t afford.
How to be the final component of a Republican spree to deregulate commerce and finance that eventually — inevitably — will lead to the greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression.
How to pull a Hoover in dramatically turning away from conservative economic policy (priority always given to the wealthiest individuals and largest corporations) and embrace liberal economic policy (priority always given to the middle and lower classes… the bulk of the citizenry) in a desperate — but too little, too late — effort to do something, anything, to stem the economy’s implosion.
How to become the first president since Hoover (another Republican) to actually create a negative number of jobs during their tenure.
How to leave office with an approval rating in the 20 percentile range, meaning all Democrats and Independents eventually saw your soul… and so did a big chunk of Republicans, ensuring that the Bush dynasty was over and done with.
How, in the wake of your ignominious legacy, to hear your mom say, “We don’t need any more Bushes running for president.”
How to derail and usurp the hopes and dreams of your brother (the smart one) of becoming president.
How to spend your years after being president not building houses, like Jimmy Carter, or raising money for charity, like Bill Clinton, or continuing to participate in educational programs, like Barack Obama, but rather hiding out in Dallas painting pictures… of your feet.
Should be a fun course!
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No Hate.
No Violence.
All Life is Sacred.
The Universe is Magnificent & Beautiful.
Love is the Way.
Copyright 2022, Rusty Reid
