News Flash: Conservatives Running Amok!
The Evening News last night was essentially nothing but conservatives giving Homo sapiens a bad name!
Last night, Friday, August 12, 2022, was a doozy for the nightly news. On the rare occasion when President Biden’s drooping poll numbers or scaremongering over inflation didn’t dominate the headlines, the prettified anchors turned to a disparate batch of stories with a common, but unnamed, central theme:
News Flash: The FBI’s search warrant for Mar-a-Lago reveals that ex-president Donald Trump apparently stole Top Secret documents from the White House, including highly sensitive materials related to nuclear weapons.
News Flash: A Trump supporter and someone who participated in the January 6, 2021 Capitol insurrection attempted to shoot up an FBI field office.
News Flash: Officials disclosed that the polio virus has been detected in the wastewater of New York City. This announcement follows by a few weeks an incident of polio that left a man paralyzed in Rockland County, just north of the city.
News Flash: An Islamic man stabbed writer Salmon Rushdie, who once wrote a novel, “The Satanic Verses,” that many Muslims consider blasphemous.
News Flash: In the latest Russian Invasion of Ukraine news, shelling is taking place very near the largest nuclear power plant in Europe, setting up potential catastrophe if the plant is hit or loses power.
Never mentioned in the series of back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back stories on the mainstream news was the word “conservative.” Yet each of these stories featured a conservative individual or worldview front and center… showing all the world how stupid, warped, selfish, damaged, dangerous… and violent this ideology actually is.
Donald Trump, of course, is currently the King of American Conservatives… a man whom any child could look at and discern, “This is not someone to trust.” Yet trust — and slobber — some 72 million Americans do, even after their newest messiah has been revealed time and time and time again to be a half-witted, lying, bragging, vulgar, indecent, slovenly, irreverent, thoroughly un-Christian, thuggish charlatan of Shakespearean proportions who, in this case, thought he could get away with heisting Top Secret documents from the office of the President of the United States. Well, why not? He has gotten away with every other crime he has committed… and there have been lots of them. Hmm… considering his potential massive indebtedness to the Russians, as well as his self-professed love for dictators such as Kim Jung Un, Vladimir Putin, Viktor Orban and the ilk, wonder what he was planning on doing with these materials related to America’s national security? His legions of cultists kind of know all of this is beyond the pale… but love him anyway because he is a pure conservative — in conserving his/their own advantage, privilege and power — and really knows how to “own” the libtards. So there’s that.
If it was not enough that Donald Trump sent hundreds — thousands — of gullible dupes to attack the U.S. Capitol in order to stop a legal presidential election, threatening with violence every member of Congress and the vice-president!, some of those doofuses didn’t learn anything close to a lesson. With his dear leader threatened by — Egads! — a “raid” upon Mar-a-Lago by the FBI to recover those stolen documents, one of alumni of the Capitol invasion, this time armed with an AR-15 and a nail-gun (really!), went to take on an FBI field office. He got, predictably, nowhere with that brazen, ill-conceived wanna-be rightwing hero attack, fled but then tried to shoot it out with the feds in a cornfield. It didn’t end well for the doofus. People willing to die for a lying conman… it doesn’t get much dumber than that. Nature does have a knack for taking out the inferior specimens, including those who believe themselves to be superior.
In the New York City area, polio is on the loose, a disease that used to be a dreaded scourge and a real danger to each and every child. The coming, in the late 1950s, of a vaccine to all but wipe it out has been heralded as one of the great achievements of modern medicine. But as of late vaccines have been politicized (mainly) by conservatives, with tens of millions of Americans refusing to help combat the Covid pandemic by getting vaxxed. And now look who’s back… our old foe polio! Some districts around NYC have a less than 66 percent vaccination rate for this deadly disease. That’s ludicrous… but totally conservative. As it stands, potentially hundreds of thousands of unvaccinated children in the New York City area are living dangerously close to exposure to this horrid illness. Thanks very much, conservatives!
Meanwhile, elsewhere in New York state a Muslim “hardliner” (one of those media euphemisms generally reserved for a foreign “conservative”), perhaps motivated by a decades-old fatwa issued by a long-dead Iranian ayatollah, tried, with a knife, to take out writer Salman Rushdie, stabbing him multiple times before being subdued by an armed officer. The gravely injured Rushdie was airlifted to a nearby hospital where he was being treated. Not much information has yet been released about the assailant, but my guess is he has not been in America very long. All true American conservatives know you can easily get a gun if you want to kill people. Or maybe fatwas require knives to be used; I’m not up to speed on such conservative Islamic traditions.
Since the beginning of its invasion of Ukraine, the Russian Army — guided by its conservative cabal headed by Vladimir Putin — has indiscriminately shelled “targets,” hitting apartment houses, schools, theaters and churches…. surely committing war crimes in the process. Earlier in the war, the Ruskies briefly took control of the wreck of the Chernobyl nuclear plant, site of history’s worst nuclear disaster (still highly volatile); and they even went to digging trenches in the area’s highly radioactive dirt. Geniuses none of these people are. Now they are blowing up things in the vicinity of Europe’s largest, active nuclear power plant. One misguided missile (and few of the Russians missiles seem very well guided) and another nuclear disaster could unfold. Reportedly all electrical lines to the plant have been destroyed, except for one. If that one goes down, the nuke plant will have to rely on a backup generator. Great… a nuke plant hanging by a thread before it goes dark… and when that happens very, very bad things happen inside the nuclear core. All of this because one particularly evil conservative dictator in Moscow believes he need so steal Ukraine. But this also should be a wake-up call about nuclear energy in general. True, nuke plants release no greenhouse gasses, so it’s “clean” energy, but when things go bad, they are the dirtiest problem known to man. Humanity has been lucky so far playing around with nuclear fusion… an activity which should be left to the sun, a safe 96 million miles away from us. But speaking of “targets,” isn’t it a bit insane to build these nuclear bombs posing as power plants? Never mind invading armies, they are a terrorists dream! Why can’t conservatives conserve our safety from these monstrosities? Another example of how conservatives never conserve what actually should be conserved… like peace or the environment or sanity.
You never know what kind of calamity or ruckus conservative ideology will spew forth on a given day. Maybe tonight’s news will get back to just talking about the next epic wildfire or biblical flood or freaky tornado swarm. Oh wait… conservatives have denied and debunked and dilly-dallied for fifty years on doing anything whatsoever to combat Global Warming… those calamities are on them, too!
